I had gotten to the race venue around 5:30 am. I had my usual peanut butter and banana sandwich and coffee earlier in the morning. I was feeling nervous but excited. Going through body marking was an experience as lines of athletes waited to get "tattooed." I was sipping on Gatorade and feeling like I was in a dream. I swiftly headed to my bike to pump the tires and fill the bottles. I double checked my gels to make sure they were all in order. I then retreated to my family to hang out and watch Pete Jacobs layer on sunscreen (a sight to behold-indeed!!).
I heard the cannon go off! The pros were in the water and starting their day- mine would start 30 minutes later with the age groupers at 7 am. I took my time getting to the beach and got in the water about 10 minutes before our start. As usual, I get cold while treading water and my teeth start chattering. I think to myself how on earth does my body react to temperatures that aren't considered extreme. I've always had an issue with temperature and frequently joke about my "thermoregulation disorder." Needless to say, I couldn't wait to get going! Finally, the cannon goes off and it's showtime. It is true what they say about the swim as a 2.4 mile trek of chaotic frenzy. I literally was sucked into the abyss of bodies for the entire leg. But...I'm no pansy in the water and I fight my way through until the very end. I felt good and strong as I exited the water.
You'd think you were competing in a sprint triathlon the way people were frantically changing into bike gear at transition. I thought to myself...be patient...ignore what others are doing...this is your race. I get on my bike and feel great. The sea of cyclists and spectators make for an invigorating start to the bike leg as we ride through part of town. I consciously remain cautious and let the testosterone-laden age group men make their aggressive moves to pass. I get on the Queen K and work my way to Hawi. I feel amazing. I'm enjoying this part of the bike course and strangely singing A-ha's "Take on Me." This wasn't one of the songs on my mental playlist but I'm going with it. I get to the turn-around in Hawi and my momentum is still on course. During the ride I do my usual gel every 45 minutes with Gatorade Perform and water as my fluid replacement. This is where the major failure on my part kicked in. It was my usual nutrition plan. I didn't change anything from my past IM nutrition regimen because I've always been pretty successful. Did I mention I think I have a "thermoregulation disorder?"
Of course I'm sweating....a lot...but it is deceiving on the bike. At about mile 73 I suddenly feel stabbing cramps coursing through my adductor muscles in my legs and around my ankles/calves. It is sudden and takes me by surprise. The cramps take on a life of their own and I'm sucked into their fury. I lose all power in my legs and my speed goes down in epic proportion. I calm myself because getting anxious clearly will not help. I stop at the next aid station. I stretch and ask for Perform hoping a boost in the electrolytes will help. I have to wait for the next gap in riders to start up again. I'd like to point out that during my ride there is a consistent crowd of cyclists everywhere. You are never alone on the course. Okay...so I'm back on the bike but the cramps just don't go away. At about mile 90 I'm pissed and anxious. I stop at the next aid station (stretch and drink). I stop again and then again....4 times total to stretch and drink. I am beside myself because the cramps will not subside, but I eventually get my body to T2 completely grateful I had finished. At this point I'm sitting with a volunteer in T2 literally deciding if I should continue. This has never happened to me before. Like I said, my past three IM's have all been somewhat successful- physically speaking. The volunteer tells me there is a PT just around the corner who could help stretch me out on the massage table. At this point I'll take any relief in the form of additional rest and massaging hands. The PT did his best and his massaging hands were a comfort but the cramps were embedded and there to stay. I continued to sip Gatorade Perform in a desperate attempt to conjure up some kind of balance in my depleted electrolyte stores. After spending way too much time in T2 (I think it was about 17 or 18 minutes) I make the decision to continue the race. It was close to 2 pm at this point. I start to walk.
I see my family at the start of the marathon. I burst into tears and apologize. At the time, I felt like a disappointment and failure. Disappointed in myself that I let my friends and family down and feeling like a failure for not preparing better with my nutrition. They reassure me and tell me they are proud. I tell them I'm not sure if I can finish. They urge me to keep going. I tell them I may have to walk most of the way because the cramping in my legs feels debilitating. They tell me that is fine. I tell them it may be late before I finish. They tell me they will wait until midnight if they have to. Other spectators see me and encourage me to keep going. I have 10 hours until midnight. I can realistically walk this marathon and make the cutoff. I continue my walk.
I can easily say I learned a lot during that walk/shuffle marathon. I learned the power of kind words and how they allow the body to survive and push forward no matter the speed or pain. I learned the power of having a walking companion share his struggles of the day and how this common bond moves us forward to the finish. I learned how to be mentally stronger and tougher. I repeated part of a quote from Chrissy Wellington's book, A Life Without Limits- "...keep your head." While there were some points during the marathon I cried this was done at the first half. By the time I reached the halfway mark I got myself together and just kept repeating...."keep your head."
I chuckle at my stint in the infamous Energy Lab. By the time I got there the sun was setting and the temperature was quite comfortable. This is where I got my official glow necklace.
Now...I can clearly say that I ended up not even focusing on my nutrition during the marathon- probably foolish but I'm just being honest. I'll have plenty of time after the race to reflect and make an appointment to see a sports dietitian. Mainly, I just grabbed whatever seemed palatable at the time- Coke, orange slices, pretzels, water. Gatorade Perform took a backseat as the mere site of it made my stomach crawl.
I finally make the turn to town and I know that I will soon be done. My walk goes into a shuffle which goes into a run (okay...maybe not a run). The finish seems like it takes eternity but I finally reach the carpet and I'm totally overjoyed. I high five strangers and see my family. I cross the finish line relieved and exhilarated. I didn't give up. I didn't quit. While I didn't set any records, I could have cared less. I fought this race with my heart and soul and finished. And that is victory!
Afterthought:
So people are now asking me "What next?" Those of you that know me well already know the answer..."Redemption on the Big Island!" I'd like to go back. It may not be next year, but I will make it again and I will know what to do next time. Hawaii is a magical place and I had a great time visiting. The people...the atmosphere...the scenery...It is breathtaking.
...to be continued
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| Ready to fight! |
